This past week, I found out that I did pretty terribly on one of my midterm exams. It's the only midterm for that course too, so the blow hit me pretty hard. I'd done pretty well on the homeworks, but I will admit that my class attentiveness wasn't as good as it could have been.
I felt so embarrassed, even though I will be the only person to ever see it. I don't want to face my instructor in class next week, and I didn't really feel good about myself at all. Instead of just accepting it, I felt my face flush with heat and I got a lump in my throat. This doesn't usually happen to me, and even when I do worse than expected, it usually doesn't hit me this hard.
I can still pass the class, but I really need to step up my game and work hard to ace the final exam. Though I don't pride myself on being a grades person, this really hit me hard.. The culture is so ingrained in me that it's tough to shake, and this time I was the one shaken up.
The future
When you're a senior, everyone expects you to have it figured out. Classes should be easy because I've taken so many of them, so when something like happens I can't help but feel badly about myself.
For the next few weeks, I'm really going to hit the books hard. I don't want to just pass all my classes, or just do the minimum in order to get the grade that I want, but rather I want to decimate the rest of the semester. I want my teachers to question whether or not it was me putting forth an assignment because the quality is just so damn good. That is the way I should approach everything, but it's really hard. That doesn't mean I can't do it. I'm going to.
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