A long, long time ago, there was a pretty average-looking bat named Ralphie. You see, for years and years, Ralphie and his bat ancestors had lived among all sorts of creatures, making friends with high and low, near and far. Throughout all of these years, bats like Ralphie had lived through times of peace and prosperity.
But now, a storm was brewing among some of the creatures that were not bats. You see, the quarreling creatures, the birds and the beasts, had decided that they were sufficiently different enough to be reason for a war to be had.
The beasts thought that the birds, with their thin, flimsy feathery wings, looked like they were trying to show off by being both literally and figuratively above them.
The birds were of the opinion that the beasts were intentionally trying to make the world a more disgusting place for all animals by being coated in thick, sweaty fur that they hardly ever cleaned. They also stomped anywhere they liked, which sullied the Earth’s beautiful green carpet.
Ralphie was very nervous about the upcoming battle. Being not quite a bird nor quite a beast, he decided who better to talk some sense into these warring parties than he.
On the day of the battle, Ralphie went to the field of battle that was mutually decided upon by the birds and the beasts: a very steep half-grassy, half-rocky stretch of land. Ralphie saw a giant horde of beasts gathered at the bottom of the hill making grunt-like chants that were filled with anti-bird slurs. The birds were hovering above the hill’s peak, cleaning each other’s beaks and doing some last minute fluffing of their feathers.
Ralphie ran up the cliff and yelled for the attention of all the creatures.
“BEASTS AND BIRDS! HEAR ME OUT!”, he yelled.
“My animal brothers and sisters, there is no reason for fighting! Birds, I know that you don’t understand the fur of the beasts and beasts, I know you aren’t comfortable with the wings of the birds.”
Ralphie paused, swallowed deeply, and then continued.
“But my friends, these differences are not insurmountable! You see, we have been friends for so very long, but I, too have wings like the birds. But you beasts find no quarrel with me! And birds, I have had my thick furry body for as long as I can remember! Yet we still fly together in the skies in peace.”
A great, audible awe fell over both sides of the young, optimistic bat. Ralphie was thrilled. This was working! This was actually working!
But just before Ralphie continued, a raspy voice bellowed out from down below, “So bats are just furry birds? How disgusting!”
“Agreed! They’re so hideous now that I think about it!”, echoed one of the birds.
And so Ralphie the disgusting, hideous bat saved the animal kingdom from a terrible tragedy by uniting two very opposite creatures.
Author's Note: In the original Aesop fable, the battle between birds and beasts was also resolved peacefully without any fighting, but I thought it would be funny to have resolution come about as the result of mutual dislike for the in-between character. Poor Ralphie.
Bibliography. "The Bat, the Birds, and the Beasts" from Aesop's Fables by Aesop. Source
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