Hi Joe! I just wanted to thank you for the feedback on my story! It was very helpful and showed me I need to slow down a little bit. Sometimes I get to typing so fast, trying to get all my ideas out before they disappear, that I make some mistakes. It also showed me that I should reread it multiple times because reading it once obviously still left me with some mistakes. So thanks again! I really appreciate it!
Hey Joe, I wanted to post my comment here after reading your storybook. First off the title is very intriguing and grabbed my attention from the beginning. I can feel the tone of the introduction to be very fitting with what you have named your first post. In addition, I think that the telling of it is somewhat energetic and scatter brained which makes it seem like the teller is nervous and/or anxious while writing. Also, I think the background and font was an appropriate selection for this, as it is not too mellow, but at the same time is not too surprising. I good feel for the setting can go along way for me imagining the characters in the story. I look forward to the plot twists and turns the storybook has potential for and I hope you take advantage of those opportunities. I will be checking back to see how your storybook progresses. Thanks for sharing and I look forward to seeing the adventure.
Hey Joe! Right off the bat I was so confused because I thought I was reading your class introduction instead of the introduction to a storybook about a fictional character. That's how realistic your introduction was. So, good job there! Once I figured out that Miles was fictional, I was able to really enjoy the storybook introduction. I just went to London and Paris this summer, so I really connected with the topic and the picture of the Eiffel Tower at night reminded me of watching it sparkle and eat crepes at 10 p.m. I can feel Miles' excitement for this adventure and I am looking forward to seeing what happens. I'm curious if it has anything to do with the three French writers...You have a lot of great material to work with since it's France and, because you've been there, I'm sure and future description of the towns and the countryside will be wonderful. Good luck!
Joe, The theme of your blog is very clever. I was a little confused until you said Illinois State University. Then I thought this was a great Idea! The picture of the Eiffel Tower really brought in your whole theme.
Some suggestion, for your cover page maybe think about putting the line about the link to your first post under the picture. This little bit of text is a little distracting to the photo you have on the front page. And maybe make the picture a little bit bigger to draw your readers in. I don't know if you meant to keep this up but you left the sitemap up. This is an easy fix and I think it will make your page look more organized. Last thing, Make sure you capitalize all your main words in your titles.
What a great idea! I love that you wrote your intro in the voice of a traveling student. So many of us can either relate or at least appreciate what it is he is talking about. I would love to be able to travel. I’m still so excited about the format you used. Good job!! Your writing is just what I would have expected from a blog by a student studying abroad. The way you worked the fable into the story is really cool. I am excited to read the rest of your stories! I think you could maybe think about rethinking your site so it looks more like a blog made by an exchange student? Throw a selfie (either yourself or one you find online) in there to make it look a little goofy and stereotypical tourist picture. For another one of your stories you could start by describing where he is writing in more detail so we can picture it better.
Hi! I like that you included a link to the first post on your cover page, it makes sure there is no confusion on where to go and I really like that! I also love the picture there. I absolutely love this idea and how relatable the character is! He is basically just like any of us but with a story to tell. I love language as well so I'm excited to learn more about him on his journey. One thing that I missed out on was the author's note, I like reading those so I can know the purpose of the writing or where the original idea came from, I'm not sure if it's missing or if it's not supposed to be there, but I wish it was! I see that there is an author's note in the first story, and that's great! I can see how you related this storybook to your original story. Overall, I think you are doing a great job and I don't see any revisions that need to be made! Awesome!
Wow! Your story is unlike anything I have read in this class previously because you really put your own creative spin on it. The first thing I noticed when reading your story was how comfortable you sound in your writing. You talk to the readers like they are your friend or how you would write in a diary and I love that about your writing. I think in this class sometimes we forget about the origin of blog posts and how people write them to express their thoughts into words. I like how you enhanced this in your writing instead of making it sound like just another assignment you have to do for a class. I really respect that! I also like how a lot of the things you are writing are your thoughts throughout your trip. If you are frazzled, the reader feels that and if you are excited, they can feel that too. Great great job!
I really love your storybook! It initially caught my attention because I too have studied abroad and it wrecked my world in the best of ways. I connect with your writing for that very reason. I think it is incredibly creative to take fables and put a modern spin on it, like a student traveling abroad. I think the tonality of your story is very approachable which makes it easier for the reader to read. I also think your story has a sense of authenticity about it because you are able to connect with personal experiences. Great job! I don't have any revisions that I believe you need to make. Keep up the wonderful work, I look forward to reading more about Miles's travels in the future.
I have to say this is probably one of the more creative and interesting ideas for a storybook I have read thus far! I cannot say that I have studied abroad before but I plan to in graduate school so your title alone attracted me to your storybook. Fables are really easy to put modern twists on so the twists tend to be the same every time but your idea to place it in a study abroad setting was so new and refreshing! In both your introduction and first story, one of the most impressive parts is how true the story feels. It sounds like you may have pulled from personal experiences, which is probably the reason all the trials and fun adventures Miles goes on feel so authentic. Your ability to make this story fathomable and tangible is so admirable and important because it allows the reader to fully sink in the story and not just read for comments' sake. I really enjoyed both parts of your storybook thus far and I cannot wait to come back and read more once you have updated! Thanks for the creative read and keep up the great work!
Hi Joe! I really enjoyed your storybook. This was a really unique way to write a story book that i have not seen before! This caught my attention because I have never studied abroad, but I was really close to doing it my sophomore year, so I have always been really jealous of the people that got to go! This story is very relatable, and that's a good way to get the reader's attention. I cannot wait to read more from you!
Hi Joe, it is fascinating to see how someone who speaks English, grew up and raised in the United States can yet still be so interested in a country like France. It is very rare here to meet someone that actually speaks French. French is my mother tongue and I visit France almost every year. I have been to many places such as Nice, Paris, Lyon, Monaco and even the Alpes Mountains where you can find the best skiing resorts ever. I can’t really figure out when you wrote your introduction as there is not particular date but I wanted to let you know if you have any questions to let me know as I know Paris by heart. There are a couple places I can suggest you and mainly restaurants that include amazing food. Moreover, I am so happy that you have chose these stories as I have read so much of La fontaine and Perrault when I was much younger but I read them in French which I am sure is even better. I really suggest you since you can read well in French to read La Fontaine’s fables in them. I am sure by now you know very well how tough the French language is with all its grammatical rules but trust me the writing of these authors is always hard to understand even for the French people themselves as they have many meanings.
I am so happy to be back reading your stories! I loved how you put them in a way that makes us feel like this person is our friend. I love the pictures you use because they look like the pictures that students would take abroad! It makes me think that you were actually there so it is easy for you to describe how the writer is feeling. Wow it seems like this guy is a little too trusting for all that he gets into! Your writing style is perfect for this storyline. It works really well and keeps me on edge. You used just enough dialog to keep it interesting but didn’t overload it. I think you could maybe add more details of the places that the writer goes to. I think it could really elevate your story and make it even more interesting than it already is. I like how it all connects and the theme in general. Great job and good luck with the rest of your semester! Happy Thanksgiving!
Haha “reading this blog out of societal pressure.” Wow! I really enjoyed this one. You’ve got a fun concept going on here. I like how realistic and modern you’re making this sound. I can easily imagine an overly excited and slightly naïve study abroad student getting themselves into tricky situations like Miles. Poor guy. You’ve done a good job of making me want to continue reading. Things aren’t resolved yet, and I want to know what’s going on. What’s special about his pendant? Who is trying to kill him? What do you mean in the author’s notes about various literary works starting to come true in his travels? It’s very intriguing. I also have appreciated the humor in these stories. I’m enjoying the voice that you gave to your protagonist. He’s young and inexperienced, and exasperated and affronted and bemused in all the right places. His voice is funny (“the guy was just after my pendant, which I would have gladly handed over had someone actually had the decency to rob me in the NORMAL WAY” haha), and I look forward to reading more.
Hey! I found your story book to be really interesting and very entertaining. I like how you really pull the reader into your character by introducing him as the storyteller. It took me a minute to realize Miles was a fictional character and this just wasn't introduction to yourself. So excellent work on making that so believable. You've set up your story very nicely. I cannot wait to see what happens in the last installment. My only recommendation would be to go back through and really proof read for grammar mistakes. There are some missed quotations and instances where a sentence could use some rewording. Your character voice is very funny and easy to follow but some more details would also be helpful. Sometimes I lose what's going on because you are a little vague in areas. I'm sure some of this can be contributed to the word limit, but maybe just going back through adding a bit more color to areas. Overall, your story is awesome. I look forward to reading it when it is complete.
The way you wrote your stories made me feel like I was with Miles Theroux on his trip. The introduction really helped me understand what kind of person he is. Also, the side remarks in parentheses and the way he talks/writes also lets me know more about him. He seems like an interesting and great guy. I was very shocked when Marcel attacked him and the girl stole from him. The story is very natural, and there is not much that should be changed.
I do not know French, so I am not sure what a few words were until I looked it up. Defining it or adding what it means would allow us to understand what it meant. I can see that you did that with at least one French word. Aside from this, making the words italicized let me know that it was a French word.
Miles’ two stories are great so far, and I cannot wait to read about the rest of his trip!
Hi Joe! I just wanted to thank you for the feedback on my story! It was very helpful and showed me I need to slow down a little bit. Sometimes I get to typing so fast, trying to get all my ideas out before they disappear, that I make some mistakes. It also showed me that I should reread it multiple times because reading it once obviously still left me with some mistakes. So thanks again! I really appreciate it!
ReplyDeleteAnytime! Glad I could be of some help. :)
DeleteHey Joe, I wanted to post my comment here after reading your storybook. First off the title is very intriguing and grabbed my attention from the beginning. I can feel the tone of the introduction to be very fitting with what you have named your first post. In addition, I think that the telling of it is somewhat energetic and scatter brained which makes it seem like the teller is nervous and/or anxious while writing. Also, I think the background and font was an appropriate selection for this, as it is not too mellow, but at the same time is not too surprising. I good feel for the setting can go along way for me imagining the characters in the story. I look forward to the plot twists and turns the storybook has potential for and I hope you take advantage of those opportunities. I will be checking back to see how your storybook progresses. Thanks for sharing and I look forward to seeing the adventure.
ReplyDeleteHey Joe! Right off the bat I was so confused because I thought I was reading your class introduction instead of the introduction to a storybook about a fictional character. That's how realistic your introduction was. So, good job there! Once I figured out that Miles was fictional, I was able to really enjoy the storybook introduction. I just went to London and Paris this summer, so I really connected with the topic and the picture of the Eiffel Tower at night reminded me of watching it sparkle and eat crepes at 10 p.m. I can feel Miles' excitement for this adventure and I am looking forward to seeing what happens. I'm curious if it has anything to do with the three French writers...You have a lot of great material to work with since it's France and, because you've been there, I'm sure and future description of the towns and the countryside will be wonderful. Good luck!
ReplyDeleteJoe,
ReplyDeleteThe theme of your blog is very clever. I was a little confused until you said Illinois State University. Then I thought this was a great Idea! The picture of the Eiffel Tower really brought in your whole theme.
Some suggestion, for your cover page maybe think about putting the line about the link to your first post under the picture. This little bit of text is a little distracting to the photo you have on the front page. And maybe make the picture a little bit bigger to draw your readers in. I don't know if you meant to keep this up but you left the sitemap up. This is an easy fix and I think it will make your page look more organized. Last thing, Make sure you capitalize all your main words in your titles.
I can't wait to see how this develops! good luck!
What a great idea! I love that you wrote your intro in the voice of a traveling student. So many of us can either relate or at least appreciate what it is he is talking about. I would love to be able to travel. I’m still so excited about the format you used. Good job!! Your writing is just what I would have expected from a blog by a student studying abroad. The way you worked the fable into the story is really cool. I am excited to read the rest of your stories! I think you could maybe think about rethinking your site so it looks more like a blog made by an exchange student? Throw a selfie (either yourself or one you find online) in there to make it look a little goofy and stereotypical tourist picture. For another one of your stories you could start by describing where he is writing in more detail so we can picture it better.
ReplyDeleteHi!
ReplyDeleteI like that you included a link to the first post on your cover page, it makes sure there is no confusion on where to go and I really like that! I also love the picture there. I absolutely love this idea and how relatable the character is! He is basically just like any of us but with a story to tell. I love language as well so I'm excited to learn more about him on his journey. One thing that I missed out on was the author's note, I like reading those so I can know the purpose of the writing or where the original idea came from, I'm not sure if it's missing or if it's not supposed to be there, but I wish it was! I see that there is an author's note in the first story, and that's great! I can see how you related this storybook to your original story. Overall, I think you are doing a great job and I don't see any revisions that need to be made! Awesome!
Joe,
ReplyDeleteWow! Your story is unlike anything I have read in this class previously because you really put your own creative spin on it. The first thing I noticed when reading your story was how comfortable you sound in your writing. You talk to the readers like they are your friend or how you would write in a diary and I love that about your writing. I think in this class sometimes we forget about the origin of blog posts and how people write them to express their thoughts into words. I like how you enhanced this in your writing instead of making it sound like just another assignment you have to do for a class. I really respect that! I also like how a lot of the things you are writing are your thoughts throughout your trip. If you are frazzled, the reader feels that and if you are excited, they can feel that too. Great great job!
Joe!!
ReplyDeleteI really love your storybook! It initially caught my attention because I too have studied abroad and it wrecked my world in the best of ways. I connect with your writing for that very reason. I think it is incredibly creative to take fables and put a modern spin on it, like a student traveling abroad. I think the tonality of your story is very approachable which makes it easier for the reader to read. I also think your story has a sense of authenticity about it because you are able to connect with personal experiences. Great job! I don't have any revisions that I believe you need to make. Keep up the wonderful work, I look forward to reading more about Miles's travels in the future.
Joe,
ReplyDeleteI have to say this is probably one of the more creative and interesting ideas for a storybook I have read thus far! I cannot say that I have studied abroad before but I plan to in graduate school so your title alone attracted me to your storybook. Fables are really easy to put modern twists on so the twists tend to be the same every time but your idea to place it in a study abroad setting was so new and refreshing!
In both your introduction and first story, one of the most impressive parts is how true the story feels. It sounds like you may have pulled from personal experiences, which is probably the reason all the trials and fun adventures Miles goes on feel so authentic. Your ability to make this story fathomable and tangible is so admirable and important because it allows the reader to fully sink in the story and not just read for comments' sake.
I really enjoyed both parts of your storybook thus far and I cannot wait to come back and read more once you have updated! Thanks for the creative read and keep up the great work!
Belle
Hi Joe!
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed your storybook. This was a really unique way to write a story book that i have not seen before! This caught my attention because I have never studied abroad, but I was really close to doing it my sophomore year, so I have always been really jealous of the people that got to go! This story is very relatable, and that's a good way to get the reader's attention. I cannot wait to read more from you!
Hi Joe, it is fascinating to see how someone who speaks English, grew up and raised in the United States can yet still be so interested in a country like France. It is very rare here to meet someone that actually speaks French. French is my mother tongue and I visit France almost every year. I have been to many places such as Nice, Paris, Lyon, Monaco and even the Alpes Mountains where you can find the best skiing resorts ever. I can’t really figure out when you wrote your introduction as there is not particular date but I wanted to let you know if you have any questions to let me know as I know Paris by heart. There are a couple places I can suggest you and mainly restaurants that include amazing food. Moreover, I am so happy that you have chose these stories as I have read so much of La fontaine and Perrault when I was much younger but I read them in French which I am sure is even better. I really suggest you since you can read well in French to read La Fontaine’s fables in them. I am sure by now you know very well how tough the French language is with all its grammatical rules but trust me the writing of these authors is always hard to understand even for the French people themselves as they have many meanings.
ReplyDeleteI am so happy to be back reading your stories! I loved how you put them in a way that makes us feel like this person is our friend. I love the pictures you use because they look like the pictures that students would take abroad! It makes me think that you were actually there so it is easy for you to describe how the writer is feeling. Wow it seems like this guy is a little too trusting for all that he gets into! Your writing style is perfect for this storyline. It works really well and keeps me on edge. You used just enough dialog to keep it interesting but didn’t overload it. I think you could maybe add more details of the places that the writer goes to. I think it could really elevate your story and make it even more interesting than it already is. I like how it all connects and the theme in general. Great job and good luck with the rest of your semester! Happy Thanksgiving!
ReplyDeleteHaha “reading this blog out of societal pressure.”
ReplyDeleteWow! I really enjoyed this one. You’ve got a fun concept going on here. I like how realistic and modern you’re making this sound. I can easily imagine an overly excited and slightly naïve study abroad student getting themselves into tricky situations like Miles. Poor guy.
You’ve done a good job of making me want to continue reading. Things aren’t resolved yet, and I want to know what’s going on. What’s special about his pendant? Who is trying to kill him? What do you mean in the author’s notes about various literary works starting to come true in his travels? It’s very intriguing.
I also have appreciated the humor in these stories. I’m enjoying the voice that you gave to your protagonist. He’s young and inexperienced, and exasperated and affronted and bemused in all the right places. His voice is funny (“the guy was just after my pendant, which I would have gladly handed over had someone actually had the decency to rob me in the NORMAL WAY” haha), and I look forward to reading more.
Hey!
ReplyDeleteI found your story book to be really interesting and very entertaining. I like how you really pull the reader into your character by introducing him as the storyteller. It took me a minute to realize Miles was a fictional character and this just wasn't introduction to yourself. So excellent work on making that so believable.
You've set up your story very nicely. I cannot wait to see what happens in the last installment. My only recommendation would be to go back through and really proof read for grammar mistakes. There are some missed quotations and instances where a sentence could use some rewording.
Your character voice is very funny and easy to follow but some more details would also be helpful. Sometimes I lose what's going on because you are a little vague in areas. I'm sure some of this can be contributed to the word limit, but maybe just going back through adding a bit more color to areas.
Overall, your story is awesome. I look forward to reading it when it is complete.
The way you wrote your stories made me feel like I was with Miles Theroux on his trip. The introduction really helped me understand what kind of person he is. Also, the side remarks in parentheses and the way he talks/writes also lets me know more about him. He seems like an interesting and great guy. I was very shocked when Marcel attacked him and the girl stole from him. The story is very natural, and there is not much that should be changed.
ReplyDeleteI do not know French, so I am not sure what a few words were until I looked it up. Defining it or adding what it means would allow us to understand what it meant. I can see that you did that with at least one French word. Aside from this, making the words italicized let me know that it was a French word.
Miles’ two stories are great so far, and I cannot wait to read about the rest of his trip!